Happy birthday Teeniboi!

I know I said I wanted to simplify my life, but this wasn’t quite what I had in mind…..

First up though – good news.

My dissertation was handed in on Thursday.  I’m so excited that I managed it, and am delighted that I got through it in one piece, more or less.  In the end I never handed in the story I wrote at the beginning of the year, that I’ve prepped to hand it in and instead ran with the first half of a new Elliot and Morri novella.  It’s done, dusted, handed in.  And all I need do is wait for the confirmation that it’s been received and I’m all good.

And the bad news.

I think all I need to is link this site and leave it at that.

Sometimes I’m truly ashamed to be an indie writer, and I’m hoping that shame wears off before I’ve got to actually help some of my indie writing friends, or it’s going to colour my enthusiasm and they don’t deserve that.

Actually, I don’t – I needs me a bit more organisation, to make my job better.

At the moment, I get up at 7:30am, deal with the kidlets, and if I know I’m going out, I shower, get dressed (into clothes I’ve laid out the night before if I’m super organised) and sometimes walk his lordship to school.  I do my stuff in town or over in Cheltenham, and head back (though, right now I’m not keen on leaving the house.  Don’t know why but I’m forcing myself to go further out of my comfort zone so that should be fixed in plenty of time to go to London or travel on my own (with the kids but also on my own on the way back) n the 28th.

I do some chores around the house, because I can’t settle to writing when I get up.  Conversely, unless I do something low tech before going up to bed, I struggle with falling asleep too, so it’s something I’m working on.
And then I spend anywhere between 4 and 12 hours writing, depending on workload.  I edit and blog too .  I’m looking right now, at a mountain of my own edit – it’s one I can’t send out for a professional edit because it’s my dissertation and that’s just not allowed.  It’ll be done in 15 days though.  2 weeks tomorrow I hand it in.  I’m crapping myself.

The problem I’m seeing with my ‘job’ though is that I’ve got other stuff that I have to shoehorn in.  I don’t like the idea of having to precisely map out how much time I spend with friends – and I don’t like that I’m already gearing up because I’m having less time over the summer to do ‘stuff’ and there’s no room for it.  And it’s mostly down to disorganisation.

There, I said it.  I’m disorganised.  I flit from job to job without a care in the world, and I could do so much better – and get more done.  I already fit work that takes ‘average people’ (going by rescuetime/various writer’s sites) a lot more time, and enjoy it.  I can, if I put my mind to it, write around 3k in an hour.  I have to be really desperate to write, but I can. (at 803 words in 11 minutes this morning!)

My other problem is the overwhelming amount of tech at my fingertips.  It’s not ‘normal’ to be able to read and knit at the same time, but with the kindle, I can. (I used to be able to multitask like a pro – I’m slowly getting back there, other than my attention span, since I fell in 2007 – anyone that says head injuries without loss of consciousness aren’t horrible are liars.  I did myself serious damage – I’m also not entirely sure I didn’t lose consciousness, kinda, because I can’t remember the fall.  I also don’t remember being picked up, but my beloved swears blind that I fell onto my back.  Which means I might have done myself more damage than I thought).

So.  I’ve got four days of limited access at the end of this month.  And then another four the weekend after.  I won’t be online for work between the 4th and 9th of August, because I’ll be packing for my holiday, enjoying my holiday and getting back from my holiday.  it’s right smack bang in the middle of the time away from the kids too, so it’s good.

I’m also a full-time house momma.  And that’s where the biggest problem now comes in.  I’m not doing regular chores, and that bothers me.  I’ve tried Flylady (and didn’t enjoy it) and I think, in part it’s because I’m very independent and don’t like being told how to live my life.  I’ve never responded well to limitations and not being allowed to do the things I want to do.  When I modify my life, I’ve actually thought about it – even if it’s a split second though, I do actually go though considering stuff, and reconcile it with how I process internally.  Unexpected stuff throws me, which is why I can’t stand being involved in groups where people are childish or difficult to work with.  I’m already pretty inflexible, and I’d say, sometimes, childlike in how I deal with the world.  It’s not an aspect of my bipolar, it’s just who I am.  I’m also mostly incredibly literal for someone that messes with language the way I do. it’s probably the forensic linguist in me.

Anyway, the point with this is my life is too hectic.  There’s no room for new stuff without dropping other stuff, and I don’t like that.  So.  Though I’ve merged down here, and should get to blog more often, it’s still going to be erratic for a while.  Not deliberately, but more because my technology isn’t at the point that I need it to be.  Roll on Os5, but I betcha before then I work it out.  It’s only taken me…what, nearly ten years?
in all seriousness, the ‘new me’ starts straight after the first holiday.  I’m planning some crazy, but valuable stuff.  I’d love it if people could come along for the wild ride

I started writing professionally in 2001.  Part time, but still, I wrote for several sites and blogged (though it was a html template and the damned thing needed the new links added to *every bloody* page, cause I didn’t know about php back then).  I’ve always been a writer, but there was the conscious decision, in 2001, to do it full time.  It was around the time I started having problems in my second pregnancy, and they were predicting some pretty dire things for PrincessPink (which thankfully mostly didn’t come true) and I had to make some sort of decision to free us up so that I could care for a disabled child.  She’s challenging in a different way, but the choice was the right one.  I was a bit singleminded, and my family didn’t like that, but still, it’s worked out ok.  Mostly.  And in the end, it was me that was the bigger problem that year (gallbladder and illness before/after)

Anyway – to celebrate the ten year anniversary of becoming a professional writer (August 1st), I’m going to work on a couple of special bits and pieces and make my year 10 a big one.
I’ve been writing though, since I was four, so it’s not as if it were entirely unexpected.

I’d love it though if people could help me make my ‘decade’ anniversary of my version of professionalism a big one.  So, to that end, I’d like a ‘present’ from everyone.  If you could invite your friends to the new blog that launches on the 1st (it’s a surprise, but just about anyone that’s an author or reader will love it) I would *really* appreciate it.  I promise it’s one of those things that you won’t regret – in as much as I say I’m not, I’m actually apparently very talented

I get asked this a lot, because Pillow Talk is one of those pieces that stays with people for a very long time after they read it.  It’s a short story, and I wrote it because one of my tutors, at the time of meeting me, said I was holding back.  He was right.

What happened was I was in a psychology class in year 2 on torture.  And then, straight after that class, I was at a prose class.  And the two just kinda collided in my head.

I am, deep down, quite an emotional person.  I’ve tried for the last year to tone down a bit, because I’m one of those people that people consider to be either unpredictable, or flat out aggressively defensive of what I believe.  I think it shows in my stories.  It’s caused so much of a stir amongst my closest friends that I thought I’d release it as a short story.

Enjoy

Pillow talk on Smashwords

I made it – this is post 20, out of 30 days, though, due to my own stupid fault, it wasn’t updating every day and I forgot the crucial step of posting to the sites talking about the competition.

But I made it.

In case you missed it, here’s a roundup of the posts involved

• House of cards
• Performing to a mirror
• The hardest thing I ever wrote…
• Resources and mental health
• The good and the bad with Flylady
• A bit more discipline
• Edits
• Graduating
• Toys and tools for writers – part 5 – Roundup
• Boerdom
• A little known fact about me – I’m really quite shy
• Why a business might need a dedicated server -
• Toys and tools for writers – part 4 – the Blogger -
• Toys and tools for writers – part 3 – the non fiction writer -
• Weekends almost to myself -
• Overcoming…the fear -
• The fear -
• One month to go -
• Aggregate -

And 20, which is this post.

All in all, it’s been a blast – thank you Cricket for such a great time.

Kai’s book, Glass Block, is due out on June 4th.

This post is part of a series for

Have you ever noticed when one thing goes wrong, it has a knock on effect?

I’ve spent the last week trying to work out why everything seems to be pushing on one another.  And I had the epiphany about three hours ago that the problem is I’m trying to do too much.

It’s my own fault.  I get enthusiastic about an idea and dive in with both feet.  But the stupid thing is, if I’m not careful, I end up in a situation where I’ve got too much on my plate and can’t keep up.

Case in point.  I have 25 posts all queued up and under ‘pending review’ on my blog docket.  I didn’t think for one minute to change the settings that allowed them to post direct to live when doing it from my phone so for the last 25 days I’ve been happily posting my blogs, and it’s only now that I’ve discovered that my one a day isn’t showing up!
The next part in the chain, getting it in my email so I can post it, hasn’t been happening either, but because I’m so busy I haven’t noticed.
Well, today, I’m putting it right.  There should be 15 historical posts and another 10 queued for the next month, and that’s it resolved.
Bear with me

Kai’s book, Glass Block, is due out in August

This post is part of a series for

Tommy Cooper once said that performing to a mirror focusses you on yourself, whereas performing to a blank wall focusses you on what you’re doing.

In blogging, performing to a mirror is focussing on yourself. You don’t engage in discussions outside of your own blog, you expect people to ‘come to you’, and most of all, you expect others to talk you up.  You perform to the mirror that is your own blog and feed into yourself more than you extend out.

In writing, performing to the mirror is your first draft.  Writers SHOULD perform to walls more than they perform to mirrors.  And sometimes those walls have doors in them, some open, some close, but mostly we perform to the blank space above and behind our monitors.  The monitor, is, at first at least, a mirror, but is also the audience – it’s your doorway to everything and everywhere.

Performing to the mirror is reassuring, like the first draft of a book – it’s not important if the quality is a bit lax, you’re enjoying seeing your own words in front of you.  The mirror is a carnival one that removes all blemishes and imperfections – you’ll smile at your work, thinking it’s the best thing ever.  It’s a love affair – most of us get giddy on that first draft – getting the idea down.  But for most of us, we have to move that mirror from that part of the wall, and perform again – edit, clean, tighten and share with others.

Sometimes it’s forgivable – if you’re shy, new to blogging or are building a singular platform that is *all you*.  Especially if you’re a writer – if you are a personality in your own right it’s ok to talk to yourself, others will pick up threads and join in anyway.  Kinda like a one man show.  People will still come and watch, whether you’re paying attention to them or not.

There’s a ‘but’ to this though – even performers know their audience – even performers know that they’re being watched – and it might look like they’re playing to themselves, but, in truth, they’re playing to the world.

Playing to the world takes courage.  It’s hard to perform to an audience that you don’t even know is there.  Performing to that blank wall is what most writers do.  We write knowing our topic, and sometimes we know our target audience, but most of the time, the majority of writers I know just *write*.  Those of us that blog, and perform outwards, we just write hoping to connect with *someone*.  And most of the time we do.

Forgetting, just for a minute, your target reader, can you write a blog post for the sake of it?  Can you show your passions?

Kai’s book, Glass Block, is due out in August

This post is part of a series for

One of the hardest posts I’ve ever written (to date)

This is one of those rare posts I’m going to cross post. If you think that people you know will want to see this (for example, you know that someone won’t see it otherwise) please share it.

Four months ago, I chose to start working on the final elements of Glass Block. Knowing that I should be graduating sometime at the beginning of May, and feeling pretty confident that my dissertation could be written with relative ease (my average day right now is 6k of non fiction – it’s not difficult and it’s all highly lauded work – I then go off and fight with my fiction for a bit). I’ve often described what I do as unearthing something rather than writing – I feel like an archaeologist in my own head sometimes rather than a writer.
What’s wrose about this right now is that it’s the longest standing semi-intimate relationship I’ve ever had. I don’t vewi writing as creating a somehow being pregnant and delivering, but there is something about the characters being there, even when others aren’t. Elliot has been my constant companion for close to eight years now. He started as an idea in the bath just after I split from my ex, and grew into someone who inhabits a whole universe in my head. He and Farran, another lead ‘actor’ in my novels hang out *together* in what I fondly refer to as ‘the green room in my head’  and they talk.  They actually have conversations.  Sometimes Farran slips and forgets he’s talking to a policeman and starts talking stuff that leaves Elliot in a state of consternation, but so far, they get on quite well.

But lately, Elliot’s been a bit distant.  I’m not sure if he’s got worse stage fright than me, or if it’s the medication (I’m bipolar for those that don’t know) and he thinks he needs to shut up a bit, but editing isn’t the same without him.  On top of that, like I’ve already said, I work full-time, and then, when that’s done, I go off and write.  And there aren’t enough hours in the day.  After being awake for the third night in a row and switching between my dissertation and Elliot’s stuff while waiting for the server to come up, till 3am, I decided, with a very heavy heart that I have to postpone this.
I don’t normally talk much about some of the people I know through my work, but one of them, who for the sake of argument is called Adi , told me it goes something like this and that I shouldn’t feel so bad.

“You’re this great actress and everyone knows it, but so far all you’ve done is give back to the community and lurk.  You’ve never had a role big enough to be credited, which makes us, your fans, a bit annoyed.  So when we hear that you’re headlining on Broadway, we cheer.

Two weeks ago you announce you had laryngitis.  Ok we think, this is it, it’s going to be postponed, and we’re sad, but we know it’s not your fault.  THAT was your computer crash.  You soldier on.  rehearsals every day until your throat is raw and you’re quiet .

Today, at two weeks to go, you announce that you’re having to go do something massive – that’s your dissertation  – and you can’t do it.  We already know you’ve fought through illness.  Those of us that are real fans know that it’s not your fault, and we’ll wait.  Sometimes things just get delayed.”  Adi

Everyone’s been telling me roughly the same thing since I floated the idea of postponing.  I’m not happy about it, and everyone that knows me really well will know that I’m worried about letting people down, but I had plans for the project and they’ve slipped, one by one.

So I’m begging indulgence and encouragement – could you wait a few more months?

Kai’s book, Glass Block, is due out on June 4th.

This post is part of a series for

If you have a mental health problem, chances are your resources suck.
Mine do – when I’m tired, and I’ve reached my lowest ebb, I just don’ t cope with the world around me.  Which is why I found this post rather interesting.

I’m still *stupidly* busy – it serves me right for taking on so much, but with just over a month till I need to hand in my dissertation and never getting to sleep before 2am for the last two weeks, I’m trying to go to bed early tonight.
I know the last couple of posts have been short, but I promise I’ll try to get some substantive ones up later in the week.

Kai’s book, Glass Block, is due out on June 4th.

This post is part of a series for

Image by Mikey G Ottawa via Flickr

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And that’s the basic way a keyboard types when you want to edit….  Guess what I’m doing right now?

Kai’s book, Glass Block, is due out on June 4th.

This post is part of a series for

Image via Wikipedia

I graduate very soon.  So, right now, I’m 4k into my 10k dissertation and kinda stressed.  I’ll be back in a bit.

Kai’s book, Glass Block, is due out In August.

This post is part of a series for

Overall, I hope I’ve given you some ideas for your writing.  If you’re interested in the recaps, they’re here.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Obviously, my suggestions aren’t exaustive, and I’ll update them with any new and interesting stuff I find.

And very soon, I’m launching several new projects – Facebook for authors, WordPress for Authors and social media for authors.  I hope you’ll join me!

Kai’s book, Glass Block, is due out in August.

This post is part of a series for